The rules for recreational cycling

Things I will not do:

I am not going to shave my legs
The only consensus I've seen is that shaving your legs makes the muscles look better. I am doing this for fun and am not that vain besides.
I will not be training for a triathlon or a race or something if you ask me what I am up to
The stereotype out here is that if you are on a bike, you are probably out working up to some race or time trial or a triathlon or something like that. I am not training for anything in particular. I am going places that interest me and commuting to and from work. This should help dispel the stupid stereotypes of cyclists and prevent me from ruining it for myself.
I intend to deliberately never purchase any silly looking bike jerseys with a bunch of logos on them
I see these at the store and the presence of this is enough to keep me biking in old school t-shirts. Unless I get paid, no logos.
I will not watch the Tour de France nor do I particularly care who wins
The people in the Tour de France are either genetic freaks or drug users. And it's a good way to develop unhealthy hero-worship only to be let down later.
I will not care what hardware anybody famous uses
The bike industry is marketing-driven. Instead of making products that are based on sound R&D and tuned to the needs of the user, it's driven by what they can convince a famous rider to use long enough to appear on TV but not long enough to embarrassingly fail.
I will not eat power bars or other mutant foods
Why should I spend a bunch of money on something where all of the recreation recipes I've seen look astonishingly like a very dry oatmeal cookie? Only exception -- Energy gels.
I will not ride like in the mountain bike commercials
Rooster trails of crap make for great advertising drama and ruined trails that bikes are subsequently banned from.

Things I will do:

Ride to work
Guaranteed exercise every day, with fun scenery instead of a bunch of people watching TV on exercise bikes!
Ride off road
We've got miles and miles of paved, dirt, gravel, and otherwise trails to ride on. This is fun. I got a hybrid bike, not a road bike, for a reason. And I see all these people on the train who commute on full suspension mountain bikes that are ancient but don't look like they've ever been on a good mountain trail ever.
Wear a helmet
This is not because I have much faith that the helmet's going to protect me in a severe accident as much as a way to defend against trees that aren't quite trimmed for a 6'3" guy upright on a 22" frame.
Start from home
There's tons of stuff within easy access from home. Bike racks for cars are a pain in the ass.
Ride by the gas station on the way home and snicker
Because all those SUV drivers who don't leave room for cyclists deserve some payback.